I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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