her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
