Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
