If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
