4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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