Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
