Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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