Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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