Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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