do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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