Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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