I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
