Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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