I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
