How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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