And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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