Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
