The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize