Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
