Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
