I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
