My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
