don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
