Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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