I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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