All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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