The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
