I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I understand Curling. That high.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
