**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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