she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
