We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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