Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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