this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just pee around me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
