I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
