Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
