If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
