Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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