sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
