So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
