I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize