it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
