Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
