She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
