went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
