Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
