tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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