In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
