If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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