When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
