my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize