Betty ford says i'm here all night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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