I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
