I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
