You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize