I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
