Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
