I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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