The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm too high and old for this...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
