Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
