I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize