If i come over, it means nothing
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
