words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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