I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
