Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
