I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
