I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
