she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
