Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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