You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
