just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
