I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
