as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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