good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
