his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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