Do you still have your period?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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