i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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