another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
