There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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