Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
