Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
