wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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