you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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