I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
