Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize