I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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