we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
not ubering you a puppy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
