That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
