sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
