Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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