im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
