So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
