I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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