I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
40s are totally the cure
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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