I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
