omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
