I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
