Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
