She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
