the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
