I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize